i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
