I think I won the penis lottery.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
