I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
