then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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