Im at strip club and am horny
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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