And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
