I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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