i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
