I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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