Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
