Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
