I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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