dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
