I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize