11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
