I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize