OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
