ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
