It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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