I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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