i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
