she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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