Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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