i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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