In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
