remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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