I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
