physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
