She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
