Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
