On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
