Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
