batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
