I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
