Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
