btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
