so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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