I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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