My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
