If that was your dad, he is hot
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
