Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
