We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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