I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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