best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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