just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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