i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
