apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
where are my eyebrows?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
