captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
