I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
