sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
