Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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