i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
