JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
