i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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