Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
