my mouth tastes like poor choices
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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