Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
