I want to have your abortion
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
