I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
