She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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