I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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