Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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