Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
