So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
