Nicole vs. Life
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I party with great urgency now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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