Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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