It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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