i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
