I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
