"it" just moved
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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