I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
