I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
