Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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