Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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